October 14, 2005

And I love you still...

I am your joy and your regret
I am your fury and your elation
I am your yearning and your sweat
I am your faithless and your religion

I see you altering history
I see you abusing the land
I see you and your selective amnesia
And I love you still
And I love you still

- Alanis Morissette, "Still"

Beautiful lyrics, which exactly capture my mood at the moment. It is so difficult, sometimes, to love people in spite of their flaws. In my more cynical, lonely times, I feel as if I almost forget how.

Perhaps it is also connected to self-worth, in some way. I convince myself that others have no use for me, that they are isolated and unfeeling. How often do I remember what I have to offer others? I fall in love so often--not romantically, perhaps, but with friends. For me, falling into friendship is so similar to falling into romance. But my self-doubt is corrosive. What do I have to offer this person? (Especially when the person happens to be male--I ask myself, what do I have to offer, if I cannot offer sex?)

So much. I can offer so much, beyond sex and entertainment. I am not what you might consider a "fun" person; I am not witty or quick with a joke or some other way of making others laugh. I am contemplative and shy away from melodrama. What do I have to offer you? Only my friendship. Only my love.

Will you allow this to be enough?


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